Chapter - 68 -


Deep down inside me


This will be a chapter about myself, a person here on earth in flesh and blood. 
Not what I look like from the outside, but how I am inside. Very deep down inside me.

Deep down inside me, there is a person who has one goal. To do something for the 
people around him. Let me start by telling you what is going on inside me. 
When I was born, the world looked strange to me and I found everything was like a 
big movie, a virtual world. It seemed to me as if people were acting and others who 
did everything possible to destroy all living things around them. That was very hard 
for me, because I believe in all the good things and in all kinds of life forms. 
Years passed by and more and more I saw that  human beings are not here to build 
up life, but to try to break it down. Seeing that, hurts me so much. All that competition, 
domination and destruction brought me to a point where I asked myself  how could I 
be of use for these people. I started to draw and tried to get connected with these 
human beings, but I found out that their channels were closed too. I created art for 
years, but that was not the way to get people out of their holes. Instead, there was 
more frustration from them and even jealousy! That was when I realized that there was 
no way left for me to get connected with them, as my drawings were not understood. 
For a while now, I have been writing my story and about my way of living. I publish 
those in books and on the Internet. I thought that by writing everything down, at least 
people might read it and then decide for themselves if they want to do anything with it. 
So it has been for years now that my thoughts have been on the internet and in this 
book. As result, people are now further away from me, because they have not reached
the point where they can understand my words.

So, here I am in a world where neither my drawings nor my writings are understood 
by people. There is jealousy, resentment and disbelief. This brings me to the point 
deep down inside me. Deep down inside me, there has been a mission from the 
first day of my life. To help people back on track in their lives! And inside me, 
I believe the things I am doing are right even though I cannot reach those people yet. 
With my education in art and in public relations, I cannot reach people's inner selves. 
What is the matter? Do I make my drawings too complicated? Is my writing too 
complicated and therefore I miss the point in life? Still, my inner self tells me: 
"You're doing right". At the same time, my brain is telling me that I am following the 
wrong path. My purpose is to follow what is coming from deep down inside me and I 
do not want to listen to my brain. Somehow, there must be a way to get people to 
open up so that they can see that life is energy. All this writing, all these conventions 
and expensive lectures by highly educated people are a waste of money and time. 
All those clubs and health centers that make a lot of money out of God, angels and 
so on. I cannot accept seeing people who blindly follow these business people.
It is true that there are also positive things, but it is a pity that in all those cases one 
pays more in the end to get in exchange more health, a better way of living, and so 
on. It hurts deep down inside me to see people who believe in things for which they 
have to pay a lot of money. They are paying for something they can get for FREE. 
It is there right inside you, deep down inside you!

Deep down inside me, I know that I can help everybody. I have the ability, so to speak,
and I can show you how you can see your own positive energy and help yourself. 
Deep down inside me, something is telling me: "John, you can do it". A little later, 
however, I have doubts, because what path should I follow?

How more clearly can I tell you that in life everything is already there? Health, luck 
and a beautiful life is possible for everybody. How more clearly can I show you that it 
is just there?  This time I came into this world without any power and I cannot show 
you miracles, because that is not for me in this life. I came here to help people and I 
came here without any intention to make a show out of this power. I  have to convince 
you with my words and my drawings;  this is the limitation I have in this life. It not easy 
at all for me, because I have the knowledge and I want to share it with you.
Whether you believe it or not, in previous lives I worked a lot with this power. 
In this life, from deep down inside me, I get those limitations. Why? Because I opted 
for that myself. I know for sure that I do not have to show or prove everything, because 
all the knowledge that I have mastered is meant to get it across to other people through 
energy. By activating their energy in the right way, everybody will be able to get a 
better life.

For me, this life is one with many limitations, but I will nevertheless succeed in 
accomplishing my goal, which is "helping people". Deep down inside me, I know that
the energy I put into my drawings and in my writings will reach you and one day, it will 
surely open up your mind, heart and soul, so also you can work and live in the positive
world of energy.


(Chapter 68)


TO MY NEXT CHAPTER